reflection of self

2018 is with us for a few days now, but I thought I’d do a post about 2017. I can say in all honesty I am happy this year was in my life. It was a year of discovery, meaningful meetings (grazie dal cuore meravigliosa Michelle) and breathtaking experiences I will keep in my heart as the treasures that they are.

Photographically speaking it was a year of rebirth, if you will. Especially the last few weeks of 2017. And so this post will be about that.

Soundtrack: Bruno Bavota “Passengers” (click here to listen)

Actually, come to think of it, everything started way back when I still worshiped at the church of Canon. I liked taking pictures then, but it was never a joy. Well, it was a joy, but… not completely, if you know what I mean. I was infatuated with photography, but I wasn’t in love. So many things irritated me and boxed me in. Love and first sense of freedom came with my first Fuji camera in 2014. Yes, along with the first whispers of my photographic voice I found true love in photography. I finally started understanding what it is that I like and want to photograph and to my absolute delight I realized I can do it all in camera, because Fuji cameras spare me the need to spend hours in post production, which is a pretty important thing for me.

2014 was the year my true photographic voice made itself known for the first time. I went dark that year. Very dark. Literally and figuratively. Not that I changed, no. I’ve always been this way, ever since I was a kid. It’s just that I had finally let go. I finally dared to take my first steps into that place Ive always known to exist in me, but that I had ignored all this time because I was scared of it. Ive spent most of my life being the way I was “supposed” to be – docile, sweet girl full of light who was all positive and wanted to make everyone happy even at her own expense. But then I dared to step out of that frame I had been put in and dove head first into said darkness of mine and enjoyed every second of it, and the world got a dose of true me for the first time and let me tell you – some were shocked. I began to hear comments raging from “do you walk around only at night?” to expressions of concern about my mental well-being, but that’s what happens when someone tries to get out of the gray, safe, boring box where they have been stuck to pursue a path that is not comfortable for the infamous “others” in one way or another. I’ve been urged to make my images lighter, more minimalistic and streamlined, but I won’t, because that is not me. I see the world in a different way. I see it dramatic, I see it cinematic, I see it through a prism of fantasy and dreams .

This November my current Fuji camera and Venezia met again, and something happened. I started speaking more coherent sentences using my photographic voice, if you will. Mind you, it still has a long way to go to develop and become what it can truly be, but its there.

I went through a period in my life when I was literally dead inside, because of things that had happened, and that state of my soul lasted for many years. I can sincerely say that photography was one of the things that saved me. It saved me and then became my obsession at first and then turned into a true passion. I remember when I felt it in its full force. It was on a windy midday last November when I stood on Piazza San Marco, pointing my camera at a puddle, with wind whipping my hair around so it became a sort of a curtain between me and the world, while everyone around me was gawking at the beautiful buildings around them, and for a blissful moment of wicked delight I felt transported to some other reality where the only thing that mattered was that light, that puddle with the reflection it held in it, my vision of it and my camera as my instrument to capture it. That’s when I felt I was doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

And no, I do not want photography to become my profession. I want it to stay my escape. I want to be able to photograph what I want and exactly the way I want to photograph said something. I don’t want the way I express myself in photography to be influenced by likes on social media, somebody’s direction or other things like that. I want it to be and remain a true expression of myself.

Soundtrack: Skillet “I want to live” (click here to listen)

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8 comments

  1. mvaden1948 says:

    Mamma mia! First, as the Michelle mentioned, you are very welcome and it was my pleasure to finally meet with you face to face in our favorite city in the world. I will always remember that week in March in 2017. We had to have been sisters in another life.
    I am so blown away at your ability to express yourself in English and in your photography.
    I am so glad that you have decided to ignore those other voices and are in the process of finding your own. I look forward to observing your journey.
    Abbracci e baci con molto amore,
    Michelle (and Diavolo and Sunshine)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Who knows, maybe we were sisters in, let’s say, Renaissance Venezia? In any case – if we get the chance to repeat that March week, Im gonna be there in a heartbeat. (btw Im spending a weekend at La Calcina next month – am finally going to the carnival)
      As for languages – I guess that’s my one superpower.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mvaden1948 says:

        A weekend at La Calcina! I am so happy for you. I am never jealous of my friends….I get happy and excited when they get to do something I would love to do.
        I don’t think they have an elevator so I wouldn’t be able to stay there. Have a hot chocolate for me in that lovely little room (or drink of your choice, bella.).
        Check to see if you will be there at the beginning when they have the parade on the Cannaregio Canal which is mainly for the locals. That’s the one I would love to see. I have images of you, wandering the calles late at night make the most wonderful photography and stories.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh Im the same! If my friends get to do something that Id love to do I am happy they get to experience something wonderful. And then I make them tell me all about it.
        Yeah, it seems they lack an elevator and I warned my mom about it (Im taking her with me) and she said its fine.
        We will be there for the weekend when there’s the Festa delle Marie and il Volo dell’Angelo.
        Hot chocolate is so on my list! And I am getting up that San Giorgio tower (fingers crossed).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. mvaden1948 says:

    The tower does have an elevator….worth every euro…I think it was six euros and you can stay as long as you like. You will definitely be there for the opening. I haven’t been but I’ve done extensive reading from people who have.

    Liked by 1 person

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